Special Rabbit Report --- Election ’07 Coverage

Washington, DC – Another page was added to the storied history of The White Rabbit Mansion Tuesday as lowly staffers at that famed journalism and pleasure palace celebrated the passage of the “Shall We Have Comments” referendum. Junior staffers were apparently overjoyed at the idea of an onsite comments section greatly reducing their workload in producing sufficient copy each week as well as providing an endless supply of new individuals to viciously mock.

Events rapidly spun out of hand, however, as local authorities were forced to remove numerous intoxicated individuals from the Mansion’s exotically themed Jungle War Correspondent Room after complaints from busybodies miles away regarding drunkenness, rowdiness, and general hooliganism.

At least three individuals were arrested after removing their pants and drunkenly plummeting from a third-story balcony into the Mansion’s kiddie pool.

“These whippersnappers don’t realize how good they had it,” proclaimed curmudgeonly founder and editor-in-chief Thaddeus Z. “Angus” McCreavy, speaking to reporters over the din of a conga line in the Metro Desk Grotto.

Sporting his infamous mauve smoking jacket and pipe, the grim McCreavy promised that these staffers “would pay for” the celebrating, and asserted yet again that “these reprobates do less work than a Catholic abortion clinic and are bombed more often than Route Irish.”

Meanwhile, controversy regarding the voting itself continues to grow. Voter turnout was remarkably low, with a depressingly small percentage of Rabbit visitors even bothering to vote at all.

McCreavy on the turnout: “The voter apathy just goes to show that most readers do not want Comments. Bah.”

Rumors continue to surface of improper attempts to sway the electorate, with unnamed members of the Hasselhoff fan and gardening club reportedly behind the unscrupulous drive. Allegations of e-ballot box stuffing were heard in the Velvet Copyroom, until unnamed staffers gave the speaker a wicked atomic superwedgie.

The day’s most disturbing development, however, came with reports that McCreavy will demand a recount. When reached for a statement, the reclusive hack had this to say: “An ‘I Don’t Care’ vote is not a vote in favor of Comments, therefore, this vote is 50.8% for and 49.2% against. I will demand a recount.”

On whether he would litigate over the recount, McCreavy would only reply: “No comment.” Or maybe it was “No Comments.”

Apparently McCreavy is unaware that Comments at The White Rabbit are up and running, so let tell us what you think. And we already know we're all idiots.

To return to our regular coverage, click here.